But I haven't posted for almost four weeks now.
When I last posted on June 26th, I mentioned that I have been in a lot of pain for the past few months. I've seen doctors and therapists, and had tests and blood work done, searching for answers about how to stop the pain.
What I didn't realize was how valuable pain is.
It has opened up doors and windows into my soul, and body, showing me where I needed Jesus' healing touch on both a physical and spiritual level. I wouldn't trade these past 4 months of pain for anything because of how the Lord has met me so deeply and personally through this pain journey.
Our grandsons, Judah and Asher, were here on Monday this week, spending part of the day with me.
It felt so good to be outside with them as I remember in the spring when I had a hard time even walking outside because of the pain, hurting so much that I was not able to fully engage or enjoy them and the rest of our family, though I certainly was trying to.
My journey through the pain has involved every part of me, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. There hasn't been just one thing that has been the answer, but rather a combination that has begun to bring healing.
Like anyone else would, I wished and prayed for a quick answer when the pain began back in March. "If only there was a pill to take that would relieve it", I remember thinking.
But Jesus had something so much better for me! He opened up my heart and soul to tend to places that needed his touch as he had something so much greater than just physical relief. He wanted to lead me into an intimacy and closeness with him that I had yet to know.
It's been a very personal journey (not one that involves anything that anyone should worry about!), one that I probably won't speak about in a public way as it's been very holy ground. If you've ever been through such an experience you know what I'm talking about.
I'm not done yet (are we ever DONE?!), but I wanted to break my silence and let people know that what's happening, even the pain, is very good. Some days are much better now, and some days are still difficult.
But I feel tucked in under the Lord's covering in a way I've never experienced before.
And the truth of Psalm 91 means more to me than I could ever imagine or explain.
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety, he is my God, and I am trusting him."
I may catch up on this past month with a few blog posts, mostly so I remember the journey and special things that happened along the way. But most likely I won't talk about the pain in every post - that's too wearing on me and anyone reading!
But know that God is GOOD! He has shown that over and over and over again these past months as he's revealed more of himself to me. Even through the pain, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Good to have you back. I check every morning before work to see if there is a new LBL post.
ReplyDeleteCan you believe you have a son who is 30? That makes you how old? Ha,ha!
Oh honey...Your post here is a reflection of what I value and love about you: You lean into your relationship with the Trinity (and always have) with a willingness to follow Them WHEREVER They lead you---even through the valley of the SHADOW of death (and pain). The vibrancy of your ministry (especially your prayer ministry and calling) is in direct proportion to your yielded trust, your surrendered stance, and your faithful obedience. I love you more than words can say and respect you with ever-increasing awareness that you are a beautiful sheep who follows her Shepherd.
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