Here and Now

Although fall is right around the corner, I'm still thinking about the summer today.

It's been a month since I last posted, which is unusual for me. I do hope to go back and capture some of the days of this extraordinary season, but for now want to reflect a bit.

Why do I call it extraordinary?

I have experienced relationship with the Lord -- Father, Son and Spirit -- in the most tender, meaningful, and present kind of way. It's been rich, personal, joyful, as well as gut wrenching (as he's led me to confront my own sin), hard, but liberating! I feel so deeply cleansed having walked a road of obedience to whatever He has asked of me in the past six months.

This journey started in March, when I developed some pain in different areas of my body. After getting fully checked out medically and finding nothing, I went down the road of pressing in more than ever to listen and be with the Lord.

It took time; it took discipline. It's so much easier to just keep going, to keep busy. But the pain was relentless and in His grace for me, gave little choice but to stop. And in the stopping, I found stillness. With the Lord. In a way I'd never known before.

When I look back over these six months, and in particular the past month, as I've pressed in to being present in the here and now with Him more than I ever have, I am kind of at a loss for words about the preciousness of it. I have so deeply treasured and valued God's love for me as He relentlessly pursued me, taking us to new places in our relationship.

Being a person who enjoys productivity and results, it's been a humbling experience to be led to set those things aside and just "be".

Sometimes the being was with just Him; sometimes the being was with family and friends. Other times the being was just in quiet, with only the sounds of the surroundings next to me.

But in all of it, I found deep, deep peace and joy, rest and love in the "being". He likes being with me, and wants more of that (and I know for sure that He likes being with you too!)

To be honest though, it's a little hard to know where to go from here.

I am free of the pain now (for which I'm so grateful to the Lord) so can physically "get up and walk". But I don't want to just go back to walking (limping?!) in old ways. I want to walk in the kind of intimacy I've experienced with Him these past six months.

To be super honest, this new place He's led me to has some implications that make blogging a little difficult.  And I'm still trying to discern what His way forward is for me in this.

Being present in the here and now with Him, and with others, means that I have to set aside some of my "future" thinking which is where my blogging brain has been over the past 14 years. There has always been a part of me that is thinking forward to what I might write about, rather than just being in the present.

If you've read this far, you're probably one of my regular blog readers (or family!). Thank you for being patient with me, and going on this journey with me. I have loved blogging all these years, and I think there are still more posts ahead. But it might look different going forward. I really don't know.

I'm praying and listening for how to live present, in the here and now, and still blog!

I know I'll do a bit of "catch up", because there are special memories I want to capture of the past month. And then we'll see what comes next.

For now, Psalm 16:11 best captures my expectation and hope for the future: "You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forever."

This is my hope for here and now with the Lord, as I seek to walk more closely with Him in his presence.